I would like to thank you for completing the American Morality survey. The Radical Homosexuals claim you and other pro-family Americans actually now support same-sex marriage, special job preferences for homosexuals and promotion of the homosexual lifestyle in schools. Now that I have your completed survey, we can prove to Congress that the American people do not support the Homosexual Agenda. I know you understand just how serious this issue is. You see, the Radical Homosexuals are storming through Washington demanding passage of their agenda. And with the passage of Thought Control last year, they say NOW is the time to push their perverse "life-style" on every man, women and child in America. And they have been insisting YOU actually support them.I know you won't believe this, but seriously, it gets even better. He then went on to recount his horrifying encounter with (duhn duhn duhn!) THE RADICAL HOMOSEXUALS!!! Turn down the lights, friends, and hold tight to a loved one (of the opposite sex of course) and let me share with you his terrifying tale of espionage and danger.....
One stormy night I drove to a mailshop hidden deep in a nearly deserted stand of warehouses. I'd heard something was up and wanted to see for myself. As I rounded the final turn my eyes nearly popped. Tractor-trailers pulled up to loading docks, cars and vans everywhere and long-haired, earring-pierced men scurrying around running forklifts, inserters and huge printing presses. Trembling with worry I went inside. It was worse than I ever imagined. Row after row of boxes bulging with pro-homosexual petitions lined the walls, stacked to the ceiling. My mind reeled as I realized hundreds, maybe thousands, more boxes were already loaded on the tractor-trailers. And still more petitions were flying off the press. Suddenly a dark-haired man screeched, "Delgaudio what are you doing here?" Dozens of men began moving toward me. I'd been recognized. As I retreated to my car, the man chortled, "This time Delgaudio we can't lose." Driving away, my eyes filled with tears as I realized he might be right. This time the Radical Homosexuals could win.NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO(gasp)OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I am truly baffled as to how this man is not a New York Times Bestselling author! Well, needless to say, after hearing that harrowing tale of mocking and mayhem I rushed to get my wallet. I had to donate - and quick!!! THE RADICAL HOMOSEXUALS could win! (not quite sure what they could win, but by gum, whatever happens they must not win!) So please dear friends, lovers of morality, and all that is holy in the world - won't you join with me in stopping this monstrous Homosexual Agenda? But first... can anyone tell me what it is? Which brings me to this week's "Why?" question. Heck, this site was so awesome that we were able to come up with 2 "Why?" questions:
- WHY is this man driving to deserted warehouses on stormy nights to see if "something was up"? (Does this strike anyone else as slightly.. well... gay?)
- And WHY were there no lesbians in this story? What, no dykes on the docks? No women in the warehouse? No laughing lesbians lifting literature?