Don't bother me, I'm busy doing nothing... pass the Pinot.

Introducing.........Our SECOND Guest Blogger (we're on a roll!):

 
MR. FRANK HUNDLEY!

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Frank Hundley is a Los Angeles based stand up comedian who can be seen performing
all over town in any venue that will host him.

Check him out on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/frank.hundley

Frank will be performing every Tuesday in May at the 

Palms Bar in West Hollywood (8572 Santa Monica Blvd.)
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So I finally quit my job to pursue my true passion, which is watching TV and day drinking. It just got to the point where I couldn’t balance a 40 hour work week and my TV viewing schedule, and I had to acknowledge that I wasn’t doing either well, so I decided to let the job go, and its working out really well.

I have to admit I’m struggling with the hours a little bit, it’s hard to get up for the beginning of Live with Regis & Kelley at 9am, but I usually catch the tail end of it which is all I need to get my brain warmed up for the Big Show: The View, and during Hot Topics I typically have my first glass of Pinot Grigio.

But after The View ends at 11am, I am right over to KTTV to accept that little gift from The Universe that is The Wendy Williams Show. How You Doin'? That is a fucking daytime TV star, and How You Doin'??? That is a catch phrase! I was missing moments with Wendy, because of my stupid fucking job, and this is a really important time for her…she’s going through some shit right now with her outrageous early exit from Dancing With The Stars, and there were moments happening on her show, and I was missing those moments, and you don’t get moments back…you got to show up for your life…

And the life I’ve always wanted for myself, ever since I was a little girl, was to be a lady of leisure, and finally I’ve achieved that, and all I had to do was nothing. I’m living the dream! After I fulfill my daytime TV commitments, I do have some other activities that bring balance to my life: like a midday aerobics class, or a trip to the dog park, and off course polishing off The Pinot Grigio while I catch up with my gal pals Ellen & Oprah. However, my real life begins at 7pm with Anderson Cooper’s orgasm inducing newscast: AC 360.

Anderson is truly the most stable male presence in my life, and we’re in a relationship, how else would you characterize it? We’ve had dinner together every weeknight for the past three years: he’s my boyfriend. The conversations are pretty one-sided, but its OK because I love getting lost in his cobalt blue eyes while he tells me about world events and I dream that one day he’ll do the news while he’s sitting on my face…and then that takes me right into Prime Time and that is a really busy time for me.

Right now, in Prime Time, I am living for Ru Paul’s Drag Race, which is the first and only hit from Logo, the basic cable channel for gays, and also lesbians, who are also gay. Who knew? Finally after years of Harvey Fierstein movie marathons, Logo has given the gays all we’ve ever wanted: trannies. Not just any trannies, but trannies that throw drinks in each other’s faces!

Trannies are now my all-consuming obsession. My remote control is now just a tranny conduit to me…I’m like bring me the trannies. Where are the tranny shows? More shows with trannies…why don’t we have a tranny channel yet?

The best part of Drag Race unquestionably happens backstage after the main stage show during Ru Paul’s Drag Race: Untucked. This is where the queens are encouraged to have as many Absolut vodka cocktails as they can consume and to get into knife fights with each other…and this is where Shangela Laquifa Wadley has really made her mark on the show.

Shangela is all about “keeping it real.” She’s Shangela; she “keeps it real.” Halleloo. She’s also all about making Halleloo happen as a catch phrase, and it’s like Shangela - its Logo, five gay guys are watching with their cats…Halleloo is never gonna happen. But anyway, Shangela keeps it real. She wouldn’t “say nothin’ behind your back that she wouldn’t say to your face,” which I hate…I’m like, can you please just say it behind my back?

I’m not in favor of keeping it real…ATALL…I wanna keep things as fake as possible…please be fake with me…I don’t want to know certain things…Like I don’t want to know how many calories there are in salad dressing. Fuck you. I got a salad. Can’t that be enough? You know what don’t answer that. Because, I don’t want to know. I don’t want to keep it real. For the love of god, please keep it fake…

As much as I admire Drag Queens, Drag is probably the one thing that I’m too butch to do…which has got to be some comfort to my father…but, I’ve got a very square jaw, and I just look like a German lesbian in drag.

But I do have an idea for another a Tranny-based show for Logo, as well as a couple of other show ideas for Logo. But the show focusing on the trans community is called “Tranny on the City Bus,” and it’s a half hour comedy series in the style of Sex and The City. It will star stand-up comedienne & pre-operative transsexual Dina Martinez, as she rides the Los Angeles Public Transit System, as well as any man that will have her. She’s Carrie Bradshaw…with a Bus Pass…and also a penis.

I’ve also got pitches targeting other parts of the Logo audience. Like my new friends: The Lesbians. This show is called “My Cat IS My Child.” Its really important that the IS be underlined and capitalized in the show title. This hour-long drama, starring Meredith Baxter Birney, will tell a story very relatable to Logo’s audience of childless lesbians cat owners. It’s the story of a woman and her quest to convince her family, friends, and co-workers that her aged cat really IS her child.

But the idea I’m most excited about is a Reality Competition series featuring hot gay guys, called “Crystal Meth Bender.” We’ll drop a group of Muscled Out Meth Addicts in the middle of a strange city, without their phones, and see which one can score meth the fastest. The winner gets a Garbage Bag Full of Crystal Meth and a Lifetime Membership to Gold’s Gym. It’s going to make great television, because believe me when I say: these guys will do anything to win. Plus the overhead is super low, because all you’re going to need is a camera and a garbage bag full of crystal meth.

Thanks for letting me share my thoughts with you, but my Tivo is starting to get backed up, so I have to run

THE HAMNERMAN CHRONICLES-Vol 1: Red Light Traffic Cameras... Evil Among Us

Introducing (drum roll please).........Our FIRST Guest Blogger:

HAMNERMAN! a verbal & virtual superhero dedicated to protecting the average Joe & Jane and to ending injustice within the alleged justice system

==================================================== Hamnerman responded to the following article found on the "Yahoo News" website regarding red light traffic cameras: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110327/ap_on_re_us/us_speed_camera_spat ==================================================== This is a very interesting article which once again points out that traffic cops and our police force in general are all about the money. Ultimately, its about quick easy revenue with a minimum of manpower while targeting easy, vulnerable prey. Don't get me wrong - I totally dig the drop in accidents and fatalities, but I don't believe for a moment that that's the driving force (pun intended) behind the implementation of this machinery. And, as many would certainly be ready to argue, who's actually running the equipment? And are they properly trained and certified to be doing so? And is it accurate and trustworthy? Really? Really???? Double pinky-swear???? In my traffic school class from hell (yes, after more than 25 years without a ticket, the over-zealous and very questionable Glendale Police put an end to both my good driving record and my previously stalwart belief in the justice system), we were issued warnings about these cameras and the growing incidents of improper tickets being sent out. You can tell the difference because those tickets don't have a court listed on the ticket, but lots of people don't know this and pay them anyway even though they haven't actually broken a law. On a recent TV news report, I saw another news item about cameras catching people at stop lights, but the people in question were not the owners of the car and the police were asking the car-owners to identify the "culprits". It turns out that no one is legally obligated to respond to these requests and the tickets must be dropped if it is not the owner of the car who earned the ticket, but the letters sent to the car-owners did their best to skirt around the letter of the law and were very intimidating. And ridiculous. And just plain rude on a number of levels when you stop and think about it. For the gazillionth time, law enforcement is insulting the very people they're supposed to be serving and protecting by picking their pockets to line their coffers. In this case, they're fleecing them twice - once for the machines, van & manpower and then again for the tickets they produce. Between this and the behavior of law enforcement in regards to their continued harassment of legal medical marijuana dispensaries and persistent use of unconstitutional sobriety check-points, I've about had it with these lazy, ignorant sons-a-bitches whose primary goal seems to be anything for a quick buck or a quick headline. Forget the constitutional rights of law-abiding citizens in their greedy race for an almighty buck! And, mind you, this is OUR money they're spending and taking. I really need to hear something, anything, about how our police or DAs or, hell, anyone, is actually out there fighting crime. Real crime. You know, catching and convicting a robber, a killer or rapist or car-thief, that sort of thing. Because my previously strong, honorable support for my local sheriff is totally shot. And if they don't get their shit together, the deputy is gonna get it, too. Just sayin'.

WE'RE BACK!!

Did you miss us? Cause we sure as heck missed you!

Sorry for not posting in such a long time, but we’ve been doing some major blog-remodeling the last few months. And now we’re back, with some really exciting news….

We’ve taken this show on the road!

Chasing The Why can now be found on the radio:

KOSS 1380am in Los Angeles, every Monday @ 11am (pst).

Click the "Radiotime" link on the left sidebar to stream us live online!

Slightly different format, same crazy people.

Chasing the Why – radio therapy talk show – hosted by Pari, produced by Basil. The radio show has a more serious tone to it then this blog does. Pari decided to reach out into the world and verbally help the peoples. He’s layin’ words on ya’! makin' ya' see the light! Hallelujah!! The talk show, which discusses everything from sex and relationships to children and finances, is a call-in format so please don’t hesitate to call in and tell him everything you were always too shy to blog about. Here’s all the info:

Chasing The Why

Newstalk KOSS 1380am

Mondays @ 11am (pst)

Call in #: 661-266-4420

Listen live @ www.radiotime.com

But don’t be blue, the blog isn’t going away! It will now be hosted mainly by Basil who will keep the fun & crazy going. The blog is still an anything goes site but now we’ve opened it up to guest bloggers. Have something you’d like to blog about? Send it on in! But please read the “Policies, Rules and other Fun Facts” section first for guidelines.

Wanted to thank the fans of this blog (yes, all 3 of you) for hanging in there with us as we attempted to get our act together. We’re not really 100% together just yet, but, really, who is nowadays.

Let the Why chasin' continue!

Re-visiting Reunions

Basil and I were engaged in fascinating discussion recently, as we often are, being fascinating discussants. The topic came up of reunions. The idea of reunions baffles Basil, they bewilder and befuddle...badly; beyond that, Basil is bemused by the bastion of importance people attribute to these bouts of bygone-buddy brou-ha-has...(whew!) I had a high school reunion recently which I had thought about attending. I've gone to ones in the past and found them fun and interesting. Seeing old friends I had forgotten, reconnecting with people who I genuinely liked in high school, but I suppose not enough to continue on with in life. I think this is true for most of us. We make intense, passionate connections with other kids in junior high and high school and those memories last the rest of our lives. But are all those people still in our lives? Usually, no. We go to college or get a job, months, then years pass and the intensity we felt so strongly diminishes over time. And this is the part Basil has a hard time with; if someone is a friend, then why don't they continue to remain a friend throughout your life? Basil believes if someone meant that much to you, you wouldn't have let them go. I don't think moving on means those experiences weren't important. Much of that time in life is...life-defining; it helps shape who we later become. And that may be part of the attraction. The stereotype of reunions is that it's a time to show off how successful, pretty, accomplished, wealthy, etc., we've become compared to our classmates. I agree that that type of thinking may be a piece of it, but that alone doesn't explain the popularity of the reunion over the past centuries and many different settings. There's many kinds of reunions other than high school; college reunions, sports team reunions, specific activities (dance, theatre, departmental). The "showing off" theory doesn't hold because, if it were true, the ONLY people to attend reunions would be the "successful" ones or those who believed they were. Many people truly wish to reconnect with the feelings and energy they felt during that time and with those people, to remember what they had forgotten, to remind others of the good and horrible times they had. To relive, in a sense, a time when we felt a level of passion and excitement, that, maybe due to hormones, we just don't seem to feel as strongly later in our lives. So, my question is written in part on Basil's behalf, though it came out of my thinking about this topic: Why are reunions popular and important to people? Specifically, to you?

The Secret Gay Warehouse: A Morality Tale

When we first set up this blog we opted to allow the random ads to show up here. Little did we know how doggone funny they would be. Here's the latest one that showed up: (okay, I just LOOOVE the hungover look Obama has in this picture) (and don't they know that Obama is against same-sex marriage and for civil unions?) (but I digress) Oh. It gets better. Here is the site it took us to: http://traditionalvalues.us/am_morality_letter.html?pid=g3&emx=igrat777@gmail.com&fn=basil&ln=parilyn&z=92801&mid=18 And if for some reason that link does not work, let us highlight some of the finer points of this site. Even though we answered every question in a very "gay-friendly" way, we were still directed to this page. It starts out like this:

I would like to thank you for completing the American Morality survey. The Radical Homosexuals claim you and other pro-family Americans actually now support same-sex marriage, special job preferences for homosexuals and promotion of the homosexual lifestyle in schools. Now that I have your completed survey, we can prove to Congress that the American people do not support the Homosexual Agenda. I know you understand just how serious this issue is. You see, the Radical Homosexuals are storming through Washington demanding passage of their agenda. And with the passage of Thought Control last year, they say NOW is the time to push their perverse "life-style" on every man, women and child in America. And they have been insisting YOU actually support them.

I know you won't believe this, but seriously, it gets even better. He then went on to recount his horrifying encounter with (duhn duhn duhn!) THE RADICAL HOMOSEXUALS!!! Turn down the lights, friends, and hold tight to a loved one (of the opposite sex of course) and let me share with you his terrifying tale of espionage and danger.....

One stormy night I drove to a mailshop hidden deep in a nearly deserted stand of warehouses. I'd heard something was up and wanted to see for myself. As I rounded the final turn my eyes nearly popped. Tractor-trailers pulled up to loading docks, cars and vans everywhere and long-haired, earring-pierced men scurrying around running forklifts, inserters and huge printing presses. Trembling with worry I went inside. It was worse than I ever imagined. Row after row of boxes bulging with pro-homosexual petitions lined the walls, stacked to the ceiling. My mind reeled as I realized hundreds, maybe thousands, more boxes were already loaded on the tractor-trailers. And still more petitions were flying off the press. Suddenly a dark-haired man screeched, "Delgaudio what are you doing here?" Dozens of men began moving toward me. I'd been recognized. As I retreated to my car, the man chortled, "This time Delgaudio we can't lose." Driving away, my eyes filled with tears as I realized he might be right. This time the Radical Homosexuals could win.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO(gasp)OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I am truly baffled as to how this man is not a New York Times Bestselling author! Well, needless to say, after hearing that harrowing tale of mocking and mayhem I rushed to get my wallet. I had to donate - and quick!!! THE RADICAL HOMOSEXUALS could win! (not quite sure what they could win, but by gum, whatever happens they must not win!) So please dear friends, lovers of morality, and all that is holy in the world - won't you join with me in stopping this monstrous Homosexual Agenda? But first... can anyone tell me what it is? Which brings me to this week's "Why?" question. Heck, this site was so awesome that we were able to come up with 2 "Why?" questions:

• WHY is this man driving to deserted warehouses on stormy nights to see if "something was up"? (Does this strike anyone else as slightly.. well... gay?)

• And WHY were there no lesbians in this story? What, no dykes on the docks? No women in the warehouse? No laughing lesbians lifting literature?